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Hell, Pricks, Friends, “Koothu,” Jeppiaar: My College

May 3, 2009

I studied in Sathyabama.

*waits for the “awwwww,” the “poooooor you” and the “OMFG!” to die down*

Contrary to what most people still believe, it is not as bad as it once was. I mean, in the “squads” and the “strictness” sense. For those who don’t know, the squads were the goons employed by the management of the college to “maintain discipline” amongst the students. We have dumb rules like no interacting with the opposite sex(…EVER!!!), no cell phones, only formal wear (plain or striped shirts ONLY for guys, with formal pants, complete with formal leather shoes, et al; girls had to wear salwar-Kameez, with the dupattas properly pinned at their shoulders), guys and girls in separate classrooms in many departments, transport to college and back ONLY by college bus, and many other crazy rules.

Yes, I am from Sathyabama. I survived the place.

When I joined college in 2005, it was notoriously called “hell-hole” and “jail.” The rules were so juvenile, we had more freedom in school! But then, things started to change after the strike. Rather, they changed because of the strike. On paper, the students went on a strike because the college would not get the accreditation of the All India Council for Technical Education. The reason being that if the college wanted to go in for an AICTE inspection, it would have to change half the staff, and pump in loads of cash to improve the infrastructure in some departments. So naturally, the students had a right to feel cheated. But wait, we had much better reasons to go on a strike. We had the squads who made life hell. We had the directors who had half a degrading pea brain each. And we had just seen on the news that the students of SRM College went on a strike and caused a damage of several crores to their college.

And so we went on a strike. I was all for the strike, but not for screwing the infrastructure of my department(Biotechnology). And so I decided to protect my department along with many others. Nothing happened to our department. I was thankful then, but I think otherwise now. Anyway, the amazing students who went on the strike managed to break a few hundred windows(each of which must have cost a rupee at the most. No kidding! It was THAT cheap!), broke the glass of the director’s room(okay, maybe a couple of thousands there) and threw a stone at the chancellor, Jeppiaar(like all the shoe throwers, that freak missed Jeppiaar by miles too. Bloody cretin!).

So we caused a damage of a few thousands to the college, and they decided not to give us any merit certificates or scholarships for two and a half years. Also, they took the 20,000 rupees that they held as caution deposit when we first joined college. They declared that we caused damage of a little over a crore, but that they would handle it. They lied. We caused a damage of a few thousands, and gave them a little over a crore in return. So we were the pricks at the end of the day.

But we rejoiced. We got ourselves about a month or so off. There were riots in the hostel because some of the Tamil guys said that it was a Northy who threw the stone at Jeppiaar and so started beating the crap out of the North Indian guys. The hostel was evacuated, we got a lot of holidays, and we were happy.

I had the best and the worst of my college days during those holidays, but I will not mention those right now.

After the strike, things were better in college. The squads were all beaten up and so not a squad could be seen in the campus. People started using cell phones a bit more openly, but some continued to get caught. Some of the lecturers and professors started acting like watchdogs for the college. Teaching was as bad as ever, with a few rare exceptions. Guys and girls took advantage of the freedom and started doing everything short of mating in campus. Okay, now that is not much, is it? But well, this is Sathyabama, remember? So that is a LOT!

Exams came and exams went. You study hard, you get pathetic grades. You don’t study a word, you end up on top! At least, that is what happened to me. I tried studying when I first joined college. My grades were average. I gave up on it completely in my last 3 semesters, and I figured in the top 3 in class! Of course, the girls always aced the department. They would write absolute crap in their papers but still get the grades. We had seen some of their papers. It was a joke! One could have written the story of a porno in it and still aced the test if one used colour pencils and sketch pens like that! (It is a different matter that one of my classmates actually did write gibberish on aliens taking over the world, how big Pemela Anderson’s assets were, ice cream, etc. and still managed to clear his exams. I have SEEN such papers of his. No kidding!)

So yeah, the girls got the good grades and they were the pride of our college. Isn’t that the case almost everywhere? To prove this point even more, our lady director(her husband is the other director) came up with the idea of “fem-fest.” She was inspired by the IIT Chennai’s cultural fest, Saarang, and decided that our college had to emulate it. But here was the catch. If we had such a fest, it would give the guys and girls a chance to interact. So it HAD to be an all-girls affair. The show went on. It was a massive event. The biggest our college ever came up with. The lady director said that the girls could wear ANYTHING they wanted, even if they wanted to wear “what the movie stars like Trisha and Nayanthara wore.” And that is exactly what they did. Fashion shows, dance competitions, DJ night, Sivamani concert, etc. were the highlights of the show from what I heard.

What were we guys doing then? Well, we were given three days off and were asked not to come anywhere close to the college. That is Sathyabama for you.

I had friends in college. Some who were close, and others who were just the usual friends. The close friends helped me a LOT during exams. I will not deny that. I would go to college without having studied a word and they would list out all the important bits that I should remember while in the exam hall. I did my bit for them at other times. The other friends were awesome too. They were primarily for fun. Barring a couple of absolute pricks in my class, I guess I can call everyone else as my friend. They were a nice bunch. I don’t miss them already, but I might sometime in the future.

For me, the fun part of college was definitely the war on the Head of my Department, Wilson. We had this guy who was a real comic character. He was a joker to the core, but would still try and terrorize the department. Everyone hated him. Well, everyone except for a couple of lecturers who many believe had something going with Wilson. So anyway, this Wilson was a guy who would snatch a one litre steel bottle from the hands of a guy drinking water out of it, and throw it out the window into a marshy area, and then give the excuse that he thought it was a bottle of perfume! He is a guy who went up to dignitaries from leading British Universities and the British Council, and tell them that he wanted to “facilitate” them, instead of “felicitate” them with a memento. He would give us permission to attend a symposium and then tell the girls that if they wanted to attend the same symposium, we boys had to be stopped, as he did not want people from other colleges to think that his students interacted with the opposite sex. He is also this guy who decided not to pick any guy to host the international conference(yeah right!) because “girls look more colourful on stage.” Would it now be wrong for me to call him a son of a psycho bitch whose balls had to be chopped off and fed to dogs right in front of his own eyes? Cool, right? I thought so! :P

Now, moving on to the last segment of this post, the part on the guy who built the college. An awesome visionary, with immense power and even more money in his hands at the moment. I am talking about Jeppiaar. He is best known for his laugh-your-arse-off funny English. He starts every speech with “Today is a very kood day. Everyday is kood day, but today very very kood day.” He doesn’t know “al-qaeda,” and so calls them “aigodallah” instead. Some quotes from his speech that I wrote down on my first ever day of college:

He was telling the parents that their kids were in safe hands. This is how he said it:
“You hand it over the childraan my hands. All the job karanty I kivu(give) your hand. You not come over here faar(for) ungee-bangee(???) business.

For the students who were going to stay in the hostel and thought that they could get away from the hostel once in a while by trying to act smart, here is what he had to say:
“Doctor sartipeeket not value in this cambus. If son not well, parents come to campus. Sometime bring hire-father mother. Then fax message. Fax come. Grandfather not well seriously.
That not in our syllabus. No parmissan!”

On Teachers’ day, here is how he opened his address:

“Because today yuvar(your) day, happiest day, memorable day, happy day. That is why you all claffeeng(clapping) to all the teachers.
Only one day yevaryday(everyday). No yevaryday. Because teacher is a guru. Matha Pitha Kuladaivam (for Matha Pita Guru Deivam)!!!”

He then went on to say that teachers were always respected no matter what. This is how he said it:
“You are all the koschan(question) rise. Deechar not the kood. You are not the yevaryday study. Only exam study. Deechar yevaryday study. So deechar very impordand.
Today Prime Minister, tomorrow ex-PM.
Today President, tomorrow faarmer-President.
Today propessar, always propessar.

Today, chudiciary(judiciary) in the judges and deechar is the highest salary. All the frofessan(profession) is the deechar frofessan best frofessan.
The man is so many candrees(countries) is the envoy. The memorable frofession, the starting frofession on the Deechar’s day.”

There is a LOT more, but I do not have the exact quotes for complete sentences, and I do not want to make up any of the stuff. So I will stop here.

I nearly forgot, Sathayabama is the only college I know which does not allow parents to enter the college on the day of the convocation of their kids! I mean, which college has such rules?! Parents would WANT to be there to see their kids graduate, but our college thinks that is not how things should work. That is Sathyabama for you!

So yeah, I studied in a college with that guy as the Chancellor of the university, a total MOFO for the head of my department and many imbecile dicks for students, who were more interested in breaking one-rupee windows than their merit certificates. I would like to believe that this college has not changed me one bit, but then I would be lying to myself. The past four years have been the biggest learning experience of my life. Go to hell, and you learn to deal with Limbo better. Go to Sathyabama, and you learn to deal with life better.

40 Comments leave one →
  1. May 3, 2009 2:55 PM

    Wo my gaad! Your best post yet! I’m vary vary imfressed :) always imfressed but today vary vary imfressed.
    And here’s why Sathyabama was the right place for you:
    1. You feel getting into a relationship anytime before you complete your education is wrong by principle.
    2. You feel indulging in alcohol or tobacco even for curiosity’s sake should be punishable by death.
    3. You don’t have a life :P

    Sathyabama needed people like you to spread their gospel. You were a true proponent of the Sathyabama school of thought :P :P

    On a more serious note, I was shocked when I read about the fem-fest. That is sheer unfair to the guys. Atleast if you have a fem-fest you need to have an all male fest as well(even though that would suck). And the caution deposit thing for a few thousand rupees damage, I’m not surprised. Every private college does it’s bit to make your parents come closer to the poverty line :) (read Manipal, VIT, Jeppiar, Amity etc.)
    And I still feel you were stupid and didn’t know how to play politics cos you got into a vendetta with your HOD. You should’ve handled him in a smarter way.

  2. Jooney Rotten permalink
    May 3, 2009 3:16 PM

    Haha nice read dude ! I never attended any of those ceremonies so missed out on all the Jeppiar quotes ! But those that went on strike weren’t pricks. It wasn’t a question of 1 rupee windows or merit certificates, it was about a little bit of freedom, so yeah they are all studs, well not all, some of them, very few of them in fact !

  3. Adi permalink*
    May 3, 2009 3:28 PM

    Now where did my comment disappear?! This sucks!

    Anyway, Ani, Wilson did leave the college. Had he stayed on for a bit longer, he would have been fired cos of what we had planned to do. It was real fun making his life hell. He was a guy who would keep his legs spread wide and then invite us to test our football skills. If he ever tries to get back to college, he will be the official punching bag of the staff and the students alike. I feel that we dealt with him the right way. as for politics, he tried his hand at it. And ended up burning his hand. :P

    As for relationships being against my principle, you kinda got it wrong there. People get into relationships in college ALL the time. I felt that it was not worth it. And I sure do feel that it is not worth it to kill myself by drinking and smoking when I can live a few years more and torture people with my essays. Besides, smokers need to realise that they do more harm to the ones around them than they do to themselves. It is just NOT done. You might think otherwise, but you can’t change the way I think about it.

    I do have a life, thank you. Doesn’t matter if you are too blind to notice it. :P

  4. Adi's Twinnie ! permalink
    May 3, 2009 3:42 PM

    wahhhhhhhh…twinsieee..
    h0w did u tangeran all this nansenseee in yarr kallege man??
    sAksss even t0 read it..w0nder h0w was it to experience such a ting..
    LOL. .
    & i likeyy this partt da bestttt

    “Matha Pitha Kuladaivam”
    hahahahaha. . .verry berrryyy farneeee la twinnny =p

  5. Aishwarya permalink
    May 3, 2009 4:26 PM

    Excellent read :) Studying in the college right next to yours(that too under Jeppiaar) iv been experiencing almost the same thing u have. The girls in your college hav fem fest we don’t have even that! Everything else is just the same lol.. As far as the teachers are concerned i guess my college is better. The reason also being that it is affiliated to anna university. Anyway i felt really good reading it :D

    P.S: Do u ALWAYS write such long posts???

  6. Adi permalink*
    May 3, 2009 4:33 PM

    I see that Ani has sent at least one person here. Not good enough, though. Hehe!

    Yeah, I DO usually write/talk a lot. My friends from Facebook will be more than happy to agree with that. Most of them would love to kill me. They have been having to put up with my essays for over a yer now! :P

    Anyway, yeah, your college is a bit better. But nothing beats Sathyabama. You better not complain about not having a Fem Fest in your college. The Fem Fest organised by Sathyabama had most participants only from its sister institutions. And seeing that there are 5 sister concerns, I am guessing that they formed the best part of the crowd.

    You felt good after reading this post? Do get back soon. I have only started insulting Sathyabama and my HOD. There is LOADS yet to come. I have pages and pages of Jeppiaar’s speeches. Not just his, but those of my HOD and a few other professors as well. You are in for a treat, I tel you. Watch this space for more. :D

  7. Adi's Twinnie ! permalink
    May 3, 2009 4:56 PM

    yeshh…we’ve been putting up with u f0r almost 2years !!!
    & each time u promise us to write shorter posts . .it only gets longer and longer.
    poor us =_=

  8. Rohini, Crazy one permalink
    May 3, 2009 5:15 PM

    What Cherry said. You never ever make your essays shorter.(if you did, we would think your account got hacked. Beehee)

    That was a very good read, Adi. Though you told me most of it before. Hmmm, I think this is how your SHORT essays look like.

  9. Aishwarya permalink
    May 3, 2009 6:48 PM

    lol ! will visit 5 sure :D n yea ur right bout the fem fest . Our college won most of the competitions this time :p i never write down Jeppiaars speeches but i do remember most of them n i’ll be glad to share them with u :p

  10. satish permalink
    May 3, 2009 10:05 PM

    i dont have so much patience to read the entire post but this post goes for the times we ve had in tht shit hole… here s to us for making it through (coke on the rocks) cheers !! :)

  11. gopal permalink
    May 3, 2009 10:33 PM

    i feel so damn happy dat i am done wit dat hellhole nd would never want2 go dere agn although i guess v need 2 go 2morrow for our damn degrees which i personally feel aint even worth the paper dey r printed on . apart from feelig relief, i guess i feel a slight tinge of jealousy dat u got way better grades dan i did dese last few semesters considein i taught u most of dat stuff ( JACKASS) .. anyways , brings back memories …, ah well better off without them .

  12. Adi permalink*
    May 3, 2009 11:18 PM

    Twinnie!!! I know I know! Sorry about that. But you see, it is just not easy for me to write stuff which is short. But I promise that I will put up a couple of short posts sometime soon. No kidding this time.

    Rohini, same goes for you. I WILL write stuff which is short. Yes, I remember that I told you a lot of this stuff in the past, but I am sure that there are a few new things in it. Hope you liked them.

  13. Adi permalink*
    May 3, 2009 11:24 PM

    Aishwarya, there will be an entire post devoted to “the rape of English in Sathyabama.” You could give your inputs when that post is up. But that will have to wait for a week or two, though. And thanks! :)

    Sathish, it sure is a HUGE relief to get out of that place. I totally agree with you. Lemon soda on the rocks for me. Cheers! :P

    Gopal, I admitted it, I would not have made it out of the college had it not been for you and a couple others. You guys saved my arse time and again. But when I look back at those exams, I can help laughing. Crazy stuff! Yes, we will go get our degrees tomorrow. And other certificates which they feel we are worth taking home too. And once I am out of the place with those certificates, I can use ANY word that I want to insult anyone I want. Actually, it is not like I don’t do that now, but still. :P

  14. Priya permalink
    May 3, 2009 11:28 PM

    Haha..a wonderful read!

  15. Adi permalink*
    May 3, 2009 11:38 PM

    Thanks! :) Want to compare how awesome your college was when compared to mine? :P

  16. May 4, 2009 8:39 AM

    And here I thought having unfair exams and classes past 7 PM was torture.. geez you had it much worse Adi!! I sympathize, but it’s wonderful to know you’re still the same – eccentric, funny and sarcastic!

    <3Vidya

  17. Smrithi permalink
    May 4, 2009 11:19 AM

    LOL!! Adii.. seriously, i missed out quite a bit huh??!! but then thank god i was a part of the strike and stuff!! and the fact that i still managed to have fun before the strike too!! I still remember how my Physics lecturer would beg me to stop talking to the guys in my class!!!!! =))

    but well sometimes i do wish i hadnt left u knw!! wonder wat i would have been like then??!!

  18. Jooney Rotten permalink
    May 4, 2009 1:15 PM

    Dude how do you remember all those quotes from Jeppiar dude ? They are bloody hilarious ! Did you note them down with a notepad or something ?

  19. Adi permalink*
    May 4, 2009 4:58 PM

    Hahaha! Vidya, YOU must know better than most that I am VERY much the same. :-p Yes, I did have it pretty bad in college. But I still did have my share of fun. Not the best way to have fun, but I had fun fighting with the HOD, creating issues, etc.. :P And yeah, you sure do live in heaven, don’t you? So quit complaining!

    Smrithi, you sure did miss out on a lot. But trust me, you should be glad that you did. I do no want to even think about how you would be had you stayed back. Trust me when I tell you this, moving out of Sathyabama was the best thing you EVER did in your life! As for your physics lecturer, I am SURE that he is not the only one to have tried such stuff. :P

    Juni, like I said before, I DID write down every speech of Jeppiaar’s. At least, everything that I attended. I have LOADS more, but I am saving them for my future posts. Do keep checking this space for more. You will not be disappointed. :D

  20. May 4, 2009 5:34 PM

    man, this is crap.

    No wonder I hate this too conservative culture of TN colleges.

    Waise, why do u have to endure 4 years in a hell hole when you could have opted out after the first six months.

  21. May 4, 2009 9:11 PM

    Btw, you should do a dissection like this one for Chinmaya, although I have nothing but fond memories of that place :P

    Long way back huh Adi? Almost now… almost 14 years ago where THAT particular journey started!

  22. Adi permalink*
    May 4, 2009 9:59 PM

    Well, it is not that all colleges in Tamil Nadu are this conservative. Many are to varying degrees, but not usually to this extent. Many are pretty decent, though. Anyway, it is possible to opt out of a college in the first six months, but Sathyabama is kinda different there too. It is not very easy to get out of a college like Sathyabama, especially after you have paid a huge amount as capitation fee. I had to pay four lakhs. Under the table, of course. Now that is not something that one would want to leave and move on no matter how bad the college, right?

    Vidya, I don’t think it would be fair on my part if I treated Chinmaya this way. I could treat some people I knew there in this way, but not the school itself. I had some of the best times of my life there. And yes, that journey of ours did start nearly 14 months ago. Two months short of fourteen years, to be precise. I think I will write about some of the people from that school sometime in the future. But that will have to wait for now.

  23. May 4, 2009 10:27 PM

    Adi,

    Agreed, Chinmaya was definitely a great experience – so a positive dissection could be great :)

    Vidya

  24. Adi permalink*
    May 4, 2009 10:36 PM

    Hehe! Let us see. I guess I could come up with a post having a bit of both. Just give me a few days. I will see what I can do. And yeah, thanks for the idea. :)

  25. SunshineGronks. permalink
    May 5, 2009 12:58 PM

    Hahaha… now only able to comment. Well said but a bit personal right??

  26. Adi permalink*
    May 5, 2009 1:59 PM

    Thanks for the comment, Albert. :) A bit personal? Nah. No point keeping such things personal. It is always awesome to share your joys and let other people know of your sorrows. It is also fun to see the lighter side of serious things. That was the aim of this post.

  27. Gayathri permalink
    May 12, 2009 6:35 PM

    n you know what adi .. one of the guys who headed that so called strike is working with me here.. n hez a nice guy :P

  28. Sunil permalink
    May 19, 2009 8:47 PM

    OMG!! I nearly fainted because I couldn’t catch my breath laughing :P It’s a great post. I’m from Bangalore and doing my engineering. I always felt that my college really, REALLY sucked, but I find it a much better place. Our university, Visvesvaraiah Technological University(VTU) has imposed the same rule for mobile phones. But, most colleges don’t care about it now. Most of us use it for texting. I really don’t like that, though.

    One rule which I’m TOTALLY against is, not talking to girls. Oh come on!! When will these people grow up?? If that rule was in place, how would I do my final year project??! My project partners are girls!!(3 of ‘em ;) ) Our former director(college) had a similar rule and all we could do is, laugh our ass off because he almost always used to catch us breaking the ‘rule’. There is always scope for us to revolt and there were enough strikes. Our juniors still need to learn quite a bit. We are handing down the legacy to them. I hope to see some bad ass rules burned to the ground.

    Peace out!(Pun intended :P )

    • Adi permalink*
      May 19, 2009 11:57 PM

      Thanks a lot for your comment, Sunil. :) Surprising to hear that some colleges in Bangalore try to pull off similar stunts too. There are several other rules that I did not mention in my post. Several weird things that you will find nowhere else. In my college, we are allowed to travel ONLY by college bus. No own modes of transport or even public transport. College bus only. And in each college bus, we have metal rods separating the boys’ section from the girls’. The front part of the bus is for the girls, and the back, for the guys. The girls use only the front door, and we, the back door. There have been cases where the bus drivers have complained to college authorities about guys and girls who tried interacting in the bus, across the metal rods, and got them suspended. There is a LOT more, but I would rather I saved it for later. :P

      As for our juniors, well, they sure have not had any strike like we did. There has been no major strike for 3 years or so now. I am not really complaining, though. There is nothing much worth destroying in the college now. And the rules are broken all the time anyway. ;)

      Anyway, thanks a lot for your comment once again. Do check the other posts as well when you find the time. Hope you like them.

  29. June 18, 2009 9:20 AM

    Today Prime Minister, tomorrow ex-PM.
    Today President, tomorrow faarmer-President.
    Today propessar, always propessar.

    LMAO.

    Now i know why many deserving ppl in the world end up in shit holes.

    My college has some similar dick heads who murrrrderrr yenglees.
    But all the more we enjoyed every moment of it.
    Some of’em..

    A professor was handling class,and some guys were talkin,this is wat he said.
    “Go bax standingss…”

    He had explained a concept in an earlier class which wanted to quote now,this is how he said it.
    “Grid computing already explained for thursday” (Wtf ?)lol…

  30. June 24, 2010 8:50 PM

    now cel phones r allowed or not ??????????????????/

    • June 28, 2010 1:51 PM

      They aren’t, as far as I know. And there is a nice way to ask. A nicer toner would go a long way in making your question sound better. A million question marks don’t help either.

  31. thilak permalink
    December 20, 2010 1:14 PM

    superb

  32. thilak permalink
    December 20, 2010 1:15 PM

    why they r not allowing mobile in the jeppiaar engg coll hostel

  33. Srini permalink
    November 16, 2011 1:03 PM

    Hey, I stumbled upon your blog while researching about Satyabhama, and reading your rants about this institution and its culture gives me the creeps! I’ve heard a lot about Satyabhama’s iron-fist laws and its notorious “squad”, but reading about it first-hand from an ex student confirms my doubts.
    If you have not already, check this out. I’m sure you’ll LOL like mad!

    http://soundcloud.com/parodesynoise/rucking-fules

Trackbacks

  1. 3 days, 3 posts and 372(+100) hits « THE JOY OF CRITICISM
  2. English? Yeenglees! « THE JOY OF CRITICISM
  3. What Would YOU Do? « THE JOY OF CRITICISM
  4. Colleges and the Pains that Students Suffer « THE JOY OF CRITICISM
  5. Why NOT Sathyabama: Part 1 « THE JOY OF CRITICISM

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