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Tamizh, Tea, Tigers, Terrorism: The Sri Lankan Trap of Tripe

May 7, 2009

I was on the phone with my brother a while ago, talking to him about the Sri Lankan issue. Considering the fact that he is younger than me by three years and is in Manipal now, with access to all the booze, fags and weed in the world(I am hoping that he does not do any of them), I am kind of ashamed that he still knows more about the current affairs of Tamil Nadu and other related stuff than I do. While I don’t even take the pains of reading the newspaper and watching the news on television, at times, he does everything that he can to collect information from various sources and analyse things based on what they really are, and not what the Media makes it seem like. Nevertheless, I have done some homework on this topic and I will prove to you that I am not as bad as my ex-HOD is(I am confident that NO ONE can be as bad as he is). 😛 So without further ado, I will get started.

Based on the earliest reports, Sri Lanka had a Tamil majority. Not a big surprise considering the fact that Ravana was in Lanka and he was very much Tamil, right? So yeah, the Sinhalese were a minority back then. (Ramayana spoke of no Sinhalese man or woman. So there were no reports of Sinhala existence back then. I did my home work right, you see!) But then things started to change when they decided that they had to have a sexual drive equivalent to, if not greater than, the Biharis of India(exact reports confirming this theory are yet to be proved). And eventually, the Sinhalese people did succeed in reducing the Sri Lankan Tamils to a minority!

*waits for everyone to applaud for the steel-balled Sinhalese of yesteryear*

Good! One must get the deserved compliments at the right time. Back to the chain of events now. So yeah, the Sinhalese folk FOKed their way to becoming the majority and things were still fine for a while. And that is when they had bigger aspirations. They came to positions of power in most places and oppression of the Tamils started. The Tamils did not like this. After all, why would a Tamil kid have to get 50% to clear his exams when a Sinhala kid had to get just 30% to clear the same paper? I mean, studying is a pain in itself. Having such systems of grading exam papers is even worse. But then again, the Sri Lankan Tamils were SAKers themselves. Instead of getting a fake religion/caste certificate like how many Indians do today, they decided that they would not remain silent. Come to India, SAKers, there is a LOT for you to learn. 😛 Indians have a lot to learn too, by the way. North Indians believe that the Tamils of India worshipped Ravana. Are you crazy?! Why would we? Only people in Lanka did that! They were the ones who had the sex drive comparable to those of Biharis. It was rather unfortunate that Ravana was the result of a mutation of an egg cell being gang raped by 10 sperms and so he ended up with ten heads. Why would we worship such a guy?! 😛

So anyway, the Sri Lankan Tamils and the Sinhala people thought it would be fun to play with fire and so started to burn each others’ tea plantations. I wonder why the rest of the world did not take part in such forms of sports! We lazy bums would prefer  going to malls, having a burger and an iced tea instead. THAT is how WE use tea. It is only in Lanka that people can come up with such forms of entertainment. What a way to pass time. “Hey dude! Feeling bored? Come let us go burn that MOFO’s tea plantation. He managed to get a 31 in last weeks test and cleared it while I got a 49 and flunked!”

Anyway, the first major incident, according to reports(much more reliable ones, this time :P) is that the Sinhalese people burnt a Tamil library in Jaffna. I guess because some guys got bored of burning tea plantations and thought it would make for a nice change to burn a building instead. Or maybe because some guy actually had a brainstorming realisation that tea plantations do NOT burn properly, but books do. I mean, come to think of it, how easily does a healthy green leaf burn? It doesn’t, you morons! Paper burns! It burns easily! And so do the wooden shelves that books are kept in! So yeah, some brainy Sinhala guy realised this and actually managed to get it done. The Tamil crowd pissed all they could on the fire but could not put it out effectively because all the fire stations were busy battling the fires in the tea plantations which did not burn well enough. So obviously, it pissed(not in the same context as that used in their attempts to put out the fire) the Lankan Tamils off as their main library was destroyed. Now they had to bang their balls extra hard to get that 50% in class, as they lost all their books in the fire. Damn that brainy Sinhala freak! There are also reports that several shelves of books on Tamil porn were destroyed, and that angered the Lankan Tamils and deprived them of some pleasure. Though these reports are still unconfirmed, I am positive that it is true. I mean, had the Tamilians not treasured porn in their library and done the “real stuff,” the Sinhala population would have never gone above that of the Tamils, and peace would have prevailed to this day. So blame it all on porn! And for all you young kids out there, see what porn does to people? So stay away from it! 😛

So now, the Tamils had to fight back. Their “precious” books were taken away from them, and they had no way of getting decent grades in class either. So what does one smartass do? He decides to start a Tamil Eelam. Eezham, rather, but the dumb westerners can’t pronounce it and so Eelam it is. Just like how Neer Kozhumbu was renamed as Nigambo because the Sinhala wanted to leave their mark on everything. But then again, Neer Kozhumbu sounds pretty lame anyway. So all cool. 😛 These guys should get Karunanidhi to stop his “fasting” stunts and go to Sri Lanka instead. He will change every bloody name there to sound typically Tamil. Anyway, we are digressing. So this one guy decides to start a Tamil Eelam and fight for the emancipation of the Lankan Tamils. Actually there were more too, but not for long. We will get to that a little later, though. So these groups of people who were fighting for the Tamils decided that they had to fight fire with fire. But instead of burning Sinhalese Libraries(the Sinhalese did not need great books to clear exams, remember? And they did “the real thing” too. The Tamil guys had some grey cells, it shows), they decided to use weapons and kill the Sinhalese. They also got inspired by the daredevil suicide bombers who created just as many ripples in World War II as Pamela Anderson did with her assets. They even invested good money on research. Research on weapons and bombs! They were the ones who came up with the idea of using suicide bombers who had suicide bombing vests which could get through metal detectors! Had they got an insight into the future, they might have even come up with special technology to have breast implants with bombs instead of silicone. Come to think of it, what a deadly combo it will be! Okay, I hope they are not seeing this right now. It is still not too late, you see. Anyway, where do people get such ideas from? And to think of it, a few books on porn could have avoided all that!

So yeah, there were several groups of Tamilians who were working for the emancipation of the Tamils. Freaks! The word emancipation is the most commonly misused word in the world! Actually, “peacekeeping” is, but this one is used a lot too. So anyway, these Tamil freaks decide to go on a mission. An “ethnic cleansing” mission. They use their awesome research to bomb Mosques and Buddhist Monasteries and rid the place of those who are not Tamilians. Actually, they killed the Tamil Muslims as well! Now this is confusing, isn’t it? I mean, why would you want to do that? But then, at just about that time something funny happened. All the Tamil heads got together for a meeting. There was this one bad ass group(LTTE- Liberation of Tamil Tigers Eelam), headed by a guy called Anton Balasingham, with several freaks of Nature under him. The main freak of Nature being Prabhakaran, the present LTTE head. Well, I will prove the freak of Nature part, later. So save your weird looks for a while. 😛 So this guy decides that he should not have any competition in finishing off the Sinhalese guys and so decides to kill all the other Tamil leaders first. At least, that is what the reports say. But I feel that he had an ulterior motive. He wanted only his men to be the suicide bombers and not the other Tamil guys. So he decides to kill them before they got a chance to commit suicide. Smart, right? He was helping reduce the suicide rates. Maybe India should take pointers when they see farmers committing suicide each day. Anyway, in that meeting, not one non-LTTE member was spared. Okay, “real” reports have it that one guy escaped to Chennai. He was hunted down in Chennai and then killed there. So yeah, no non-LTTE member survived for more than a few days. Now WHY would any sane guy do that? Instead of joining forces and fighting as a unit, he decides to kill all the other Lankan Tamils who were fighting for the same cause. And when you actually think about it, that one guy would have turned a suicide bomber after a while anyway and would have taken with him, the lives of several Sinhalese as well. Fools! Nevertheless, being the only such extremist group left in the country, the LTTE then became the ones fighting to “save the Tamils.”

*waits for everyone to clap once again. For the freak of Nature, this time*

India was not to be left behind with all the drama going on just south of her(yes, India is feminine!). So what does the Indian government do? It decides to deploy a “peacekeeping” force in protection of the Tamils. Yeah, indeed! A peace keeping force! So it fights against the Sri Lankan government and helps establish a separate Eelam which had a Tamil majority, in the hope of creating a democracy for the Tamils there. A leader was appointed temporarily, till elections were held. A ceasefire was also called for. But the elections never occurred as our smartypants, LTTE Supremo, Prabhakaran, decided that he alone would not be a part of the ceasefire. One thing lead to the other(not the kinds of stuff that happens in porno flicks, you perverts!) and peace never prevailed. The Indian Peace Keeping Force went back home(as they were tired of dry humping in Sri Lanka. The porn was also gone, you see). I am not very sure of some of the developments that took place then(I told you I suck, but still not as bad as Wilson), but India finally decided to support the Sri Lankan government instead of the LTTE. I have a feeling that the then Prime Minister, Rajiv Gandhi, had developed a thing for Sinhala women as he was getting bored of the Italian ones he was used to. 😛 So anyway, the LTTE did not like this change, and decide to test one of its suicide bomber vests on Rajiv Gandhi. Much to their joy, it was a grand success, and Rajiv Gandhi was history.

My question now is this: WHY did the Indian government even have to do something about the Sri Lankan issue? It was all because of porn, you see! They needed porn! Rajiv Gandhi, just accused in the Bofors’ scam got reduced to bits before he could be convicted. A sad day in Indian history indeed. Alas! His love for Sinhala women and his refusal to give the LTTE their supply of porn cost India its Prime Minister.

What happened over the next few years, I am not very sure about. I do know that the LTTE was adept at guerilla warfare and went on to develop a strong force consisting of Army, Navy and Airforce; the first and only such banned outfit to have access to such forms of force. It is during this period that the LTTE trained not just its own men, but also men from terrorist outfits from across the globe, like Jammed ul Islamia(I hope the spelling is right) of Indonesia. It is amusing to note here that all the terrorist outfits are funny in a way. The Lankan Tamils killed Muslims in their country, but trained those from others. The Islamic militant groups killed everyone else, but did not mind getting trained in the art of suicide bombing by people who openly killed Muslims. The LTTE set the trend of suicide bombing in the world of terrorism much like the trend setter of the adult world, Hugh Hefner. Playboy sure did cause a revolution, didn’t it? And to think of it, all issues would have been solved had Rajiv Gandhi married a Lankan or someone instead. But maybe then India would have gone to war with some other country 😛

Cut to today’s world.

Anton Balasingham is dead(… claps?). Prabhakaran and Karuna(the other main guy under Anton Balasingham, apart from Prabhakaran) parted ways because they did not feel the gay love anymore. Karuna decided to give up warfare and is now one of the 5 or 6 Tamilian Ministers in the 200-odd strong Sri Lankan Parliament. Now that is a smart move. All terrorists should move to politics just before they get caught. I nominate Afzal Guru now, and Kasab too, a few years later. How many of you are with me? I reckon they will be bloody good at running the country. Anyway, Prabhakaran decided that he was way too good at guerilla warfare and decided to try out something new- open wars. He got butt fcuked and doing the honours is none other than the Sri Lankan President, Rajapaske. Rajapakse is a “hard hitting” Sinhalese dude. And Prabhakaran’s backside can feel the effects.
In India we have the why-doesn’t-he-breathe-his-last CM of Tamil Nadu, calling Prabhakaran as his “personal friend” and urging the Congress to support the LTTE in its “fight for the Tamils.” The Congress hates the LTTE for having killed its yesteryear poster boy (he wouldn’t have managed an Italian chick if he were not a poster boy, right?), but it loves the DMK more for the seats than the DMK’s contribution to the alliance in terms of ideas and ideologies(as their ideologies are poles apart). The DMK in turn wants important ministries in its control and so will support the Congress even if the Congress would love to do nasty things to Prabhakaran. That is the irony of things. The Congress is providing the Sri Lankan government with weapons to finish off the LTTE, but the DMK wants the very same weapons to be given to the LTTE to protect the Tamils. Funny, the way politics works in this country.
And to think of it, Indians are fighting over an issue going on in Sri Lanka, which should not have started in the first place had both sides just minded their business and did not try playing with fire. As they say, you play with fire and you burn your hands. Use your hands for better purposes, and you prevent war. And yes, USE your hands! Don’t go around doing funny stuff with every person you find like a certain Chief Minister in India. 😛

Disclaimer: This post is neither a serious hit-by-hit analysis of the happenings in Sri Lanka and India over the past several decades, nor is it a mockery of the sufferings and the pains of the effected lot. It is a post which was to be titled “A Comedy of Terrors,” but was given its current name because the original idea sounded too cliched. This was written for the sake of a few laughs on the war against terror in Sri Lanka, and is in no way meant to hurt the sentiments of the people involved in the same, or those who feel just as strongly about the issue as those involved.

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34 Comments leave one →
  1. May 7, 2009 7:49 PM

    I admit that it is funny at parts. //Paper burns! It burns easily!// Ultimate!
    But the insults go overboard in many places, Note: More than the number of places it gave me chuckles.

  2. Adi permalink*
    May 7, 2009 7:52 PM

    I kind of agree with you myself, Venkatesh. I guess it started pretty well and then kind of lost its track a little later. Wanted to keep it funny, throughout, but things were actually pretty messed up after a bit. So I had to throw in a few insults. However, today marks the end of my first week in the blogosphere. There is still a LOT that I have to learn. Thanks for your pointers. I know that I need to make my posts MUCH shorter as well. Will work on that from next time. And yeah, thanks for your comments. I really do appreciate them. 🙂

  3. May 7, 2009 8:25 PM

    I must say you did a real good job of it. No one has written a funny take on terror so far. Frankly this is one issue where I find myself unable to support any side because both sides have their bastards. Though Rajapakse is the bigger son of a bachelor any day. I’m now able to empathize with the voters who wish to not express support to anyone these days.

  4. Adi permalink*
    May 7, 2009 8:33 PM

    Hahaha! Son of a bachelor? Hahaha! On a more serious note, I must thank you for all your inputs. Without them, this post would just not have been possible. You had LOADS more info, but I chose not to use them. To all those who feel that I have not used enough facts and figures, I am to to blame. However, I kept it this way on purpose. I tried my best not to talk about the dull and boring stuff, and in the end point out that the whole thing could be done without.

  5. Dash permalink
    May 7, 2009 8:36 PM

    The post was pretty good Adi, although I did think that you overdid the sarcasm a bit, I felt that it was about 70 – 80% comedic and that was a bit excess. It was a good spin on the issue, but a bit more facts about the actual happenings would have helped (a few dates of major occurrings and maybe some summarized facts). Furthermore, I am not too sure, but i think you could have omitted some of the facts you’ve included, and put in more important info about other more related issues. But yes, your initial objective of making people laugh was achieved through-out the blog.

    ~Happy sAkkin’.

  6. May 7, 2009 8:41 PM

    dude… funny at parts but messed up the entire lot… should ve kept it shorter and released in parts… would help actually 😉

  7. Adi permalink*
    May 7, 2009 8:45 PM

    Thanks for your comment, Sridhar. I did consider dividing it into parts, but I just wanted to get done with it after a while. Was tired as hell. Anyway, all these are lessons I need to learn. I am just a week old in the blogosphere. You need to keep that in mind. And please do keep giving me your views on how you think I can improve my blog. Thanks once again. 🙂

  8. gopal permalink
    May 7, 2009 10:30 PM

    Dude, this aint funny .. Dis is a serious situation where a lot of ppl r losin lives , nd u r talkin abt porn??? i know u dont like da congress , but having a go at rajiv gandhi like dat was way out of order. Watever he was , he was our PM who was killed rather brutally, honour da dead atleast. U went on abt in ur last posts abt how da media was being biased and insensitive – u r doing da same thing – i would have had no problem if you had written dis post without da insults , but dis is cheap. u mention in ur comment dat u wanted 2 mak dis post funny- tell me how can talkin abt ppl losin their lives ever b funny? u also menion u added a few insults just cause da whole thing was messed up – dis aint our exams where we just con to glory- atleast i dont think u treat ur blog da same way as ur exams- nd da best part – u admit dat u had info but u didnt use it cuz dat stuff is borin – if u r gonna make a valid argument u might atleast back it up with valid info , or else u r gonna look like a ignoramus in self denial .nd get off da wilson fixation , it’s gettin kind of stale .no offence , but dis post blows

    • Adi permalink*
      May 8, 2009 12:25 AM

      I will surely defend my post here. Gopal, I am, by no means, making a mockery of the loss of thousands of lives. I would not fight for a change in the system if I encouraged crap to happen. My comments about Rajiv Gandhi had nothing, and I mean NOTHING, to do with my political inclinations at the moment. Our country has been governed by the Congress for about 5/6ths of the time since independence. And they sure have done many decent things for the country as well. What I meant is that India could have just stayed out of Sri Lanka as far as this issue is concerned. Had India not intervened, things would have been very different. Not just did India, under the Prime Ministership of Rajiv Gandhi support the LTTE at first, but it also decided to withdraw the Indian support and then support the Sri Lankan government instead! Though he did not deserve death, I am sure that it would not have come to a surprise to anyone. He should have seen this coming. And yes, owing to the Bofors scam, I have another reason to say that Rajiv Gandhi did not lead a clean life. I am not condoning or condemning any act here. Just saying that had India stayed out of Sri Lanka, Rajiv Gandhi might have lived to see this day. Okay, I did not put in in those words, but I sure did not say that I am jumping with joy because he died. I tried using humour which you could not connect with. That is just about it.

      I used insults, yes. I used several statements which had sexual overtones. Perverted jokes. Some appreciate it, some loathe it. Take it with a pinch of salt. I never said that it was fun to see people losing lives. I would never do that. Here are the instances where I have talked about deaths and killings: suicide bombers, ethnic cleansing, LTTE-Tamil leaders killings, Rajiv Gandhi and the CM of TN. And if you checked each of those instances, you will notice that I have never laughed at anyone’s death, except indicate my desire in the case of the CM. I am being frank, and you hear people saying the same stuff on the streets, trust me!

      What I have said in the past about the media is entirely different from the case here as I am not trying to propagate any misinformation and so let us not even get to that.

      I said that I did not use certain other bits of information because they were boring. Meaning, I could not come up with funny things which acted as effective metaphors while talking about the same. I do believe that I have covered most of the important events as best as I could, without actually dwelling on any topic in detail, apart from the instances of tea plantation burning and the library burning. Had I spoken about each and every issue, even without giving it any funny/weird twist, it would have been at least ten times as long as this post. Others might be capable of writing the same stuff in a few lines, but I am not. Sorry about that. I had to omit certain parts because of the length of the post.

      The whole point of writing this post was to say that the whole Sri Lanka issue would have been avoided, and that India could have stayed out of it. However, there are several thousands of people who have already written on the Sri Lanka issue, taking sides and staying neutral. So I wanted to post something new, something different. I meant in no way to harm the sentiments of the Tamils or the Sinhalese people. In fact, one of the first people to see this post was my Sinhalese friend on Facebook. This is what he said:
      “although I did think that you overdid the sarcasm a bit, I felt that it was about 70 – 80% comedic and that was a bit excess. It was a good spin on the issue, but a bit more facts about the actual happenings would have helped (a few dates of major occurrings and maybe some summarized facts) … But yes, your initial objective of making people laugh was achieved through-out the blog.”

      He did not complain much. Also, the very first person to comment on this post is a supporter of the LTTE. Though he felt that I went overboard in many parts, he did find other parts funny. He did not say that I was being inhuman in posting something like this.

      The reason being, I was not being inhuman. I respect human sentiments. But that does not mean that I am not allowed to joke about anything. Yes, there is loss of life, and there is bloodshed. But I am not laughing at that. I am laughing at the actions of people, and the irony that it lead to violence and bloodshed. I feel that this whole thing could have stopped at the very beginning and that people could have lived in harmony. But that was not to be. That is very unfortunate indeed. But that does not mean that I can’t look at the lighter side of things. At least, I feel that there IS a lighter side to it. If others fail to see it, it is their loss. Once again, I sure do respect people and their feelings, but I have my own feelings too.

      • gopal permalink
        May 8, 2009 12:42 PM

        i never said u were being inhuman – i said u were being a jackass. This is an ongoing issue where ppl are losing lives lives and you chose to see the funny side?It’s about drawing lines. tell me now dat u hav wwritten a post like dis abt Sri Lanka , will u follow it up with a series of posts about da ppl who died in da mumbai blasts nd treat all da ppl involved in da same way as u treated every1 in dis post? if u dont u r being a hypocrite, if udo , u r stoopin even lower.

        Now u hav a valid story(I DO NOT DISAGREE with ur basic premise,), , u rip it apart nd make it appear funny so dat da story will appear “different” I hate every news channel cuz dey do watever it takes to grab eyeballs, nd after watchin it for a time , u forget wat da actual news story is.
        Another thing i hate is how insensitive all da channels r . The media coverage on the bombay attaks were a shock to the senses. Any normal person will be moved by just listening to the death of human beings, but da barrage of info only numbs da brain , nd any favourable results if any will only be temporary . Do ppol remember da bombay train attacks now? i wonder ? Now da reason i am saying all this is cuz ur post is no diff.Honestly wat was da purpose of writin it dis way. u think ppl will think anything differently if u just stuck to facts? i thinnk most ppl on da comments know u so it’s ok , but to some1 who doesnt , ur post will appear a wee bit immature.nd odds on dey will b rite, if u could hav put in ur reply to my comments in ur post rather dan da post itself , well i wont hav aprob to ur post . like i said dis is a ongoin issue where ppl r dyin everyday , my biggest grouse – u cheapen an actually valid and relevant idea with toilet humour.

        Maybe it’s like u said – i dont get it . So u r laughin at da actions of ppl and da irony dat it let to death nd bloddshed . i dont get it so i am gonna try and understand wit a crude analogy , – indians litter nd suppose dey throw a banana peel .an innocent guy slips on it and dies. so going by ur intentions u r laughin at ppl who littered nd da sap who slipped- it anothr issue dat he died- u respect dat nd u r not jumpin with joy. but u r tryin 2 see da lighter side. No matter which way u r lookin at it , inteintionally or unintentionally , u r being insensitive to da dead guy- u honestly dont think dat is wrong.?Da only possible way i can understand y ppl would try 2 to c a lighter side in situations like this is if they were involved in da situation nd were inflenced by it through some form or da other( stress , trauma), nd dey c da funny side in order 2 cope. u on da other side need no excuse , nd like i said truth is truth . u present it as it is , u do stuff like wat u r doin , well , everything ends up being skewed nd isnot taken seriously. DAt is y i think u made a mistake with dis post .if u thin k it is k 2 c a funny side in situations like dis, where will it stop? sooner or later no1 will take ur post seriously nd u could b talkin abt da end of da world literally.still to each his own .u wanna do summat different , unique? jump from da sky and miss hittin da ground – dats unique . i think u could hav used used ur half decent english skills to write a passionate post without having 2 resort 2 cheap gimmicks . Oh yea no offence but like i said b4 dis post blows nd i think u can do better

  9. Ramya permalink
    May 7, 2009 10:58 PM

    I have to agree with the gopal here,the whole eelam issue sucks coz of the loss of lives everyday,the other day i read i.e the price of a coconut runs in 100s of rs,the issue is a serious one adi and though ur post is funny i have to say it wud have been nice if you had treated the whole thing in a more serious way,like gopal said no offence 🙂

    • Adi permalink*
      May 8, 2009 12:37 AM

      Ramya, thank you for your comment. I have just posted a response to Gopal’s comment and I guess most of it applies to your comment as well. However, I would like to add that most people get information from the new channels and the newspapers which openly take sides, and so we are inclined to take sides as well. However, I choose not to take sides as I feel that both parties have wrong, and maybe, continue to wrong, and given the magnitude of the issue, there has to be only one winner. However, the way I look at it, whichever side wins, the other is going to lose heavily. Support the LTTE, support the Sri Lankan government, it is your call. At the moment, there are thousands of Tamilians dying. And so we support their cause? No! If they are able to hold the Sri Lankan army back, like how things were till few years ago, the Sinhalese people would be the ones being killed. So at the end of the day, there is killing no matter what. And what purpose does this serve?

      Now I choose to look at the issue from another angle as well. Had India not been involved in this issue, wouldn’t the issue not have blown up to such proportions? What is worse is that we have tension brewing within our own country because of the issues in Sri Lanka. If Prabhakaran does fall one day, you see the effect it will have on the streets of Chennai, and the rest of Tamil Nadu as well. And then you will regret India’s being involved in this issue.

      I might have been rather ruthless with my jokes, but I did so because I wanted my post to be different. Nothing more than that. Like I said in my above reply already, I do respect the fact that people are battling for their lives. But I still find it funny that this whole thing could have been avoided so easily had certain people(again, people on both sides) not tried acting like pricks several ages ago.

  10. Ramya permalink
    May 8, 2009 8:34 AM

    on a funny note u r pbly the only person whom i can think of whose reply to comments wud be as long or even longer than the original post 😛

    • Adi permalink*
      May 8, 2009 9:51 AM

      Hahaha! Well, you are not the only one who thinks so. Trust me. 😛

  11. Anonymous permalink
    May 8, 2009 8:37 AM

    Adhi this was different post..,the war is leading to death of tamilians (really sad) on the other side srilankan gov had to make that move(war) so as to stop mad prabakaran leading a group of insane people LTT/…Adhi reply for gopal’s comments was good whatever the outcome/results overthere(srilanka) will have an effect on India:Chennai. PRESENT NEWS: Russia is supporting srilankan act(war)…

  12. Dilip permalink
    May 8, 2009 8:38 AM

    Adhi this was different post..,the war is leading to death of tamilians (really sad) on the other side srilankan gov had to make that move(war) so as to stop mad prabakaran leading a group of insane people LTT/…Adhi reply for gopal’s comments was good whatever the outcome/results overthere(srilanka) will have an effect on India:Chennai. PRESENT NEWS: Russia is supporting srilankan act(war)…

  13. Dilip permalink
    May 8, 2009 8:41 AM

    Adhi Iam getting bored come lets burn tea plantation….:-)

    • Adi permalink*
      May 8, 2009 10:19 AM

      Dileep, you see, the LTTE did not start of in a bad way. They had very good ideologies and it was for a noble cause(the improvement in social conditions of the Tamils). However, along the line, they managed to become powerful. And power corrupts. That is when things started going wrong. The violence(killing of Sinhalese- primarily Buddhists- and Muslims alike) began, and so did the politics. The LTTE also had its own share of internal politics, which I chose not to mention in my post as it would have added to the length. There are two reasons for the fall in power of the LTTE.

      One, internal politics, which resulted in Prabhakaran and Karuna fighting each other because of their differences, after the death of Anton Balasingham(Karuna eventually left warfare and decided to get into politics instead). This resulted, not just in reducing the strength of the LTTE to half of its initially strength, but also cost it a lot of its military resources.

      And two, because Prabhakaran’s overconfidence made the LTTE make a move in strategy from guerilla warfare to open warfare. The LTTE knows every rock and every tree in the areas which is occupied. So guerilla warfare was ideally suited. The move to fight an open war cost them dear.

      The Sri Lankan government is also responsible for its own share of decent moves and atrocities. However, things are now as bad as bad could be. Till a few years ago, it was the LTTE doing most of the killing. Now it is the other way round.

      However, one needs to look at this issue from yet another perspective. Though the Sri Lankan government is willing to support the “Tamil civilians” caught in the middle of the war, it is still not ready to look at the Tamils as equals. The Sri Lankan government had proposed certain terms of agreement earlier which met most of the demands of the LTTE. However, demands like the need for a separate Tamil country for the Eelam were not agreed to, and rightly so. Countries can’t go on being split due to differences like these. Even if the Tamils were given their own nation, my guess is that the war would go on. So things are not very different from the day this whole issue started. The only difference is that it is getting bloodier and more political each day. That is just the sad reality.

      And Dileep, are you bored too? Thank god! I thought I was the only one. So sure, let us go burn a tea plantation. Where do you want to get started? 😛

      • srivatsan permalink
        May 13, 2009 6:57 PM

        If u been to sri lanka mate u wld have noticed that 95 percent of sri lanka’s muslim population speaks tamil and not sinhaleses as most of them actually hailed from India. The reason that prabhakaran went after them was he belived that the muslims were giving away information regarding their positions( LTTE’S) to the sri lankan govt.

        So he gave them a weekends time and asked them to clear off from all the areas he occupied those who stayed back were killed mercilessly. U ask any sri lankan muslim speaking tamil wether he/she is tamil they will say no they will tell u that they are sinhalese speaking tamil and walk away as if u r some freak of nature quite sad.

  14. Dash permalink
    May 8, 2009 3:36 PM

    Just got back to read your “larger than life” comments. LOL! Anyway, I have to disagree with you on a number of the points, but if I keep doing so, it will only mean the the initial purpose of this blog would be lost, as this was aimed at serving a comedic perspective on the issue and more “politics” based comments would only worsen the already misinterpreted blog.

    Regards,
    Dash.

  15. Adi permalink*
    May 8, 2009 3:52 PM

    Haha! My “larger than life” comments? Yeah right! Anyway, chuck it. Yes, the idea was to keep this comedic. Some did not get that. I am glad that you did. Thanks for understanding that and not looking at me as an anti-social element. 😛 LOL!

  16. Adi permalink*
    May 8, 2009 4:46 PM

    Gopal, The Mumbai attack was very different from this one. You are comparing a civil war-turned-war on terror with a one-time terror attack that scared the world. So let us not even get to that just yet. Yes, I laugh at certain aspects of the Mumbai attack. And just because I laugh it does not mean that I am not pissed. I laugh at the way the Media handled the situation 2 days into the attack. I laugh at the way how the politicians’ brave forts crumbled to the taunts of the Media and ultimately helped the Media politicize the whole issue. I laugh at the fact that the government of Maharasthtra, in its hurry to “improve its forces” bought weapons of inferior quality. I laugh at all that. Humour is an effective way of conveying certain things without blowing your top. I know that it sounds funny coming from me, but yes, it is true.

    But to answer your question, no, I don’t think I will follow this with a post on the Mumbai attack in the same manner. I might write about it in the future, but I have no plans as yet and so I do not know how I would frame it.

    I would appreciate it if you stopped comparing my post with the way the Media handles the situation in the case of the terror strikes. Politicizing issues, sensationalizing issues and half baked-truths are not what I am looking to do here, and I sure did not do that in my post. Mine was clearly a post meant to make a few people laugh. Yes, I used toilet humour. You don’t like it, tell me that. People reading the post might have thought that I was immature in writing such a thing. When I get to know what people think, I will improve the quality of my posts. As you know, I am just a week old in the blogosphere. It takes a while to get to know what sells when you get into any field. Some liked this post, some did not. But it still did get me more hits than any other post. 311 is a HUGE number of hits for one day for a guy who is a total newbie. I choose to look at it that way. If I did not please some people, I will strive to please them if and when they come back the next time. As simple as that.

    You say that all the comments that I am giving here could be used as a post itself. That is exactly what I did not want to do. Had I done that, it would have been no different from any other post that you find everywhere. So yes, I stick by what I wrote. Some might not have found it funny, but I know what I wanted to convey, and I had no intentions of harming any sentiments. I am pretty satisfied with what I did. And to clarify, I have added a disclaimer at the end of the post now. For those who want to know my exact feelings on a more serious note, they can check out the comments section.

    As for your banana-peel story, well, it would indeed be sad if a person slipped on a banana peel and fell. I see nothing that it has to do with this post, but I do feel just as strongly about the street littering issue as I do on the Sri Lanka issue, and YOU have seen it yourself. If you tell a five year old kid a joke about someone slipping on a banana peel and falling, the kid will laugh. You tell him after a while that the person who slipped, died, you will find disbelief in his eyes. Neither have you nor the kid been through it yourselves, but you still can make it seem however you want to. Yes, it would not be nice to make a mockery of things, but laughing at it and then telling the kid that people could die if he littered the streets is an effective way of actually teaching the kid. Try telling him bluntly that he should not litter, and chances are, he will litter. But then again, like I said, it has NOTHING to do with my post. I don’t see any way how one can draw parallels.

    You feel that I could have come up with a passionate post about the same issue instead. Yes, I could have. I chose not to. There are several people out there writing extremely passionate stuff. Why can’t my post be different? I made it clear that I am not making a mockery of the sufferings in Sri Lanka and yet you choose to argue that I am. When I say that it is all rather unfortunate, the whole thing could have been avoided had things been handled differently from the start and that there were some foolish acts done by either side, I mean it. I write it in a different way because I wanted my post to be different. I could have ended the post on a serious note. I had it ready. I still have it saved as a draft. But I chose not to use it. I wanted the post to be this way, as I know that it was not meant to hurt any sentiments. Some got the point. Others didn’t. That is just about it.

  17. Dash permalink
    May 8, 2009 5:40 PM

    OI! Stop writing blogs! Write freaking BOOKS! sAkker! 3 words for you man;
    “SHORT AND SWEET”. =P
    ~Happy sAkkin’

  18. Adi permalink*
    May 8, 2009 5:53 PM

    Hahaha! Dakshitha, I am now reducing the length of my posts considerably. Hope you notice that. 😛 As for books, nah, not my cup of tea.

    And yes, happy SAKing to you too! 😛

  19. May 8, 2009 6:45 PM

    About the LTTE killing other ganglords, it was just ‘business’. I’m not trying to support them or whatever, but AFAIK it is just that they removed the heads off and merged all the terrorist infantry and knowledge base into LTTE. They weren’t as idiotic as P.Chidambaram to kill every other non-LTTE guerilla.

    And the sadly funny thing is that Rajiv.G was an idiot. It was like commiting suicide, but not by himself. Why the heck would any sane person come all the way from Delhi to a place where he knew he would be killed without proper protection? Did he think he was Ilayathalapathy Dr.Vijay or something?

  20. Adi permalink*
    May 8, 2009 6:54 PM

    Hahaha! The comparison of Rajiv Gandhi with Vijay, Ilayathalapathi Dr. Vijay, is funny! Especially in this context because Vijay can jump from India to Sri Lanka! :-p However, sticking to the general sentiment in the rest of the comments, his death was indeed unfortunate, though I still feel that he should have seen it coming.

  21. nithya permalink
    May 9, 2009 7:52 AM

    except for too much of porn jokes, the post is really a good one. nice way of condemning the wa. the reason for urning the library is really good joke. our tamil people from India are sad at killing of amilians there and some support the fight. they call the fight for uplitmnet of tamils of tamils there. 50% pass mark for tamils and 30% for sinhalese unjustified. but how about the plight of 27% forward community in India? what do the same tamilians from India have to say for that? we should not laught at the victims in sri lanka. yes. but adi did not do that. but then how many tamilians sympathised when temple priest in kanchepuram was killed. or Shankaracharya of Kanchipuram was arrested. majority from the 73% were lauching. I thinking the condition of forward communiy in TN is not very ifferent. as for as higher education and job opportunity is concerned the forward community is oppressed. now reservtion in IIT and IIMs also. now the time has come when should unite and bring about change. the right time is now. we all should cast our vote to the party who supports our cause. till now only 50% of population takes part in election and government is elected. the other 50% is disgusted and remains idle.govt will surely change if ony voting % increases. let us all vote this time and fight for our cause. majority of poor are from backward class. inspite of 77% reservation in education and jobs the poor still poor. why? u need more reservation? no. they will continue to remain poor. because the advantage of reservation is taken by only a few people w already educated and are better off. the son or daughter of a well to do persson from backward community does not need reservation, he shold be mad to ompete in general quota. our so called champions for backward class are if really interested in upliftment of backward classes let them automatise cleaning of punlic places. we are still able to see poor workers cleaning the roads and and other places and these workers who clean the roads need help. why 77% reservation has not reached them? spthising for sri lankan tamils is just humbug. the same sympathisers have a different attitude when comes to forward community in our place.they do not speak for the caue of forward c

  22. Thusi permalink
    May 9, 2009 9:35 PM

    Adi, in my opinion you should think bit more before making fun of an ongoing serious crisis like this. I strongly believe people who have lived in SL for long time knows better than a person who haven’t lived there for most of his life time. I also think that by saying you meant nothing in the end after saying everything won’t help much. This can be a lot of fun for everyone except the people who have suffered from it for a long time. As for me my whole life time so far.

  23. Adi permalink*
    May 9, 2009 9:44 PM

    Hey, Thusitha! Thanks for your comment. Well, to clarify, never did I indicate that the whole episode was fun. It sure is not. It is very unfortunate, as I have already indicated in the disclaimer as well as my comments. I understand that life must have been hell all these years, and I empathise with the Sri Lankan people. It is not that I said nasty things and then said that it was for fun. No. I believe that the whole issue is a result of political interests. I might not know the exact details of the political motivations, its causes and effects, but I do know that the Media, international involvement and religion have also played significant roles. I am in no way trying to insult or mock the people who suffered and continue to suffer. And if you think that this is fun for anyone, you are wrong. No one can call the terror that has gripped your nation as fun. Surely not me. This was a post for my blog, which was aimed at being different. People appreciated certain parts and criticized other parts. It is the same case as most forms of writing. So if I have hurt your feelings, I am sorry, but as I have already said, that was the least of my intentions.

  24. May 10, 2009 9:54 PM

    I fail to understand why nobody sees he has only made fun of the LTTE and Rajapakse. The LTTE has lost it’s ideals and there’s nothing wrong in making fun of their hypocrisy, just as we do of politicians in India. Rajapakse is uniformly hated by all those who support the cause of the Tamils, and it’s understandable if one insults him. Even if there are people who support him, just view it as a parody of any other politicians leadership instead of letting emotions play into this.

  25. Adi permalink*
    May 13, 2009 7:47 PM

    Now that is news to me, Srivatsan. I had no idea about such a thing. If Prabhakaran took such drastic measures on all Muslims alike because he felt that some were giving away the LTTE’s position, it is indeed sad. And two days? Surely not enough to pack your bags and leave everything that you can call your own. Sad indeed. And the attitude that they have developed is understandable. Because speaking the truth will only create issues for them. Sad state of affairs there. I still believe that several things could have been avoided, though. But now, there is nothing than can be done about it. Things have gone too far. A bit too far.

  26. Dash permalink
    May 18, 2009 2:30 PM

    The “Freak of nature” is dead and peace prevails. Long live Sri Lanka, Long live the motherland.

    • Adi permalink*
      May 18, 2009 2:32 PM

      LOL! Typically you, Dakshitha! :-p

      Anyway, are reports of his being dead confirmed now? There has been talk for close to two days now. Has it been confirmed yet?

  27. Dash permalink
    May 19, 2009 7:20 AM

    Pfft. LOL!
    Anyways, yes, reports of him being dead has been confirmed, and his remains have been sent for DNA for further verification.

    ” Armed forces officials have positively identified 18 bodies of senior LTTE cadres including that of Pottu Amman. The following is list of identified LTTE leaders found among the dead today (May 18).

    * Pottu Amman- LTTE’s Intelligence Wing Leader
    * Bhanu – LTTE military leader
    * Jeyam- LTTE military leader
    * B.Nadesan- LTTE political head
    * S.Pulidevan- Head of LTTE’s Peace Secretariat
    * Ramesh- LTTE special military leader
    * Ilango- LTTE police chief
    * Charles Anthony- the eldest son of LTTE chief V. Prabhakaran
    * Sudharman – aide to LTTE leader’s son
    * Thomas- senior intelligence leader
    * Luxman – LTTE military leader
    * Sri Ram- senior sea tiger cadre
    * Isei Aravi – LTTE female military leader
    * Kapil Amman – LTTE deputy intelligence leader
    * Ajanthi- female LTTE training in charge
    * Wardha – LTTE mortar in charge
    * Pudiyawan- Secretary to LTTE leader
    * Jenarthan – Special military leader

    Meanwhile, defence sources on the field said that troops are now conducting search and clear operations in area. Troops have so far found over 200 bodies of LTTE cadres along with large stocks lethal weapons. Troops strongly believe that all top LTTE cadres including its chief V. Prabhakaran have been killed in today’s fighting. The identification process is being continued. “

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