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What Would YOU Do?

May 10, 2009

Assuming that the following situation happened to you, what would you do?

You(a guy) are just done with college; a college like Sathyabama. Most of your friends are from out of town, some are based in other countries. So a few of you decide to go on a road trip of sorts for two days. Two of your guy friends, the girlfriend of one of your friends and another friend(girl) of your friend’s girlfriend form the party. So the five of you decide to go on a road trip to a holiday destination which is about 200 kilometers away. This place has beaches, hotels, gardens, islands, etc.. A decent place to visit on a holiday. You plan on spending the night at your cousin’s beach-house(which is about 30 km from your city) and then go to another tourist spot which has hills, temples, sculptures, a beach, etc., before returning home at night.

You are the only one with a car and so it is obvious that your car is to be used. Your car is rather old and so you need to get certain things fixed. In order to have an awesome time with your friends, you decide to do a little more for your car than what it deserves. A brand new music system is a must to have fun and so you go in for that. You get a sun film, make sure that the electronics are all in order, change the tyres, and add a few miscellaneous things to make your drive better. But to get all this done, you run around from one mechanic to another all around your city for a whole week in the blazing sun. But you are not complaining because you are going to have an awesome time with your friends, and want to make sure that you surprise them with the new(well, not really) and improved(definitely) car of yours. So you do not tell them that you spent well over 25,000 Rupees(over $500) on the car.

You talk to a few of your friends who used to live in the town which you will be visiting, in order to get an itinerary planned. One of them offers to ask her brother to help you out in case of need, as he is still living in that town. So you have made sure that you have a tour guide of sorts as well, in case of need. Good job!

You talk to your cousin to ask her if she can let you stay in her beach-house for a night along with your friends, but she says that there is some repair work going on there, and that tiles were being re-laid. She says that she is not sure if it has been fixed yet and would get back to me. Later, you get to know that it might be tough to get the beach-house for the night and so have an alternate plan of getting back home for the night, if needed, and setting out once again early next morning. Things might have been though, but you still want to try and stick to the plan of leaving on Monday or Tuesday.

On Sunday night, at about 11:30 or so, your friend calls you and tells you that you should all leave the next morning as early as you can. You agree, because you are eager to go. You send your cousin  a text and tell her that you are leaving early next morning, and that she should let you know if the beach-house would be available the next night. You get everything packed, in order to leave early next morning.

You have to wake up early, as you have to drop your mom off at the bus stop, before leaving on your road trip with your friends. So at 4:45 AM, you wake up and start getting ready. That is when you realise that you need to make sure you have to have a photocopy of all the car’s documents, if not the originals itself. You check the car and you find nothing there. So you decide to search every nook and cranny of your house, with your mom’s help. You find the registration papers, but not the insurance. So you keep looking. You were supposed to pick your friends up at 6:30 AM, but you keep looking for the documents till then. You inform your friends that you might have to leave a little late. If not, you will stick to the original plan of leaving on Tuesday instead.

You drop your mom off at the bus stop, as she was getting late, and then decide to call your driver at about 6:50 to ask him if he knew where the documents were. He says that he had kept all the documents in your uncle’s car a few days ago as your car was in various mechanics’ sheds over the past week or so. So you run to your uncle’s house nearby and get all the documents that you need. The time is 7:15 AM. You are 45 minutes behind schedule.

You call your friends immediately and tell them that you will get to their place right away to pick them up. You get a lukewarm response. You apologise profusely. Your friend(#1) tells you that they are “not in the mood” to leave immediately. You talk to another friend(#2) and he says that “the two girls complained about having to wake up and get ready so early, as that is something that had never done in the past.” They usually go to bed by about midnight(2 AM for the benefit of the doubt) and wake up kinda late. You go to bed by 5 or 6 AM and wake up in the afternoon. You know that you will be driving, while they can sleep all they want, in the meanwhile. You find that lame, but you still apologise a million times. So you talk to #1 again, to ask him he could leave the next morning, according to the initial plan. He says that he will talk to his girlfriend and her friend, and see if we can leave the next morning instead.

You get a call that afternoon. You friend says, “No one is in the mood to go. Let us just chuck the plan completely.” You then find out from your cousin that her son had to take the pains of travelling 27 kilometers to go make the guest-house comfortable, though he got back from a trip to Japan just an hour before that. And your trip has now been cancelled.

You do not hear from your friends for 4-5 days. And then you get a message late one night saying, “You awake?” You then get a call from #1 the next day while you are at the gym. You are busy working out. And then, you get a message which says, “Dude .. I kno ur pissed wid me .. I jus wanna talk .. If u think u can gimme a missed call” So he finally realised that after 6 days, after all.

So what would you have done then? I made my choice. I walked out of their lives. I am glad that I did not have to miss my gym workout, two days straight.

But what would you do? You can post your comments here.

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24 Comments leave one →
  1. May 10, 2009 5:21 PM

    Well I knew this happened to you, and I don’t entirely blame you for what you did. Friends can be a total pain in the ass and exploit you once they take you for granted. One thing I’ve learnt the hard way is that it pays to have an ego. Don’t throw it around but don’t be forgiving at all times. You need to show people that you have as much of an ego as they do. “Do unto others…” that saying really makes sense.

    But at the same time, I do feel you shouldn’t have let this one instance ruin four years of friendship. I know they acted like total jackasses, but remember they were also there for you in times of need. And when girls are involved, guys become total slaves(another thing I learnt the hard way) and will not hesitate to put their friends down.

    So my advice is, you have punished them enough by not talking to them all these months. Do get back in touch with them, because it’s better to forget one instance of bitterness for a lifetime of friendship. I know I sound real senti but if you think about it I’m right. You’ll never have friends as good as the ones you made in school and college. Don’t throw it away.

  2. Mercia Engelbrecht permalink
    May 10, 2009 5:23 PM

    I’d go on my own… less to worry about. As for the friends… were they really friends after all? So if you lose their friendship, it isn’t a loss, move on… end listen to trance on your new music system in your car!

  3. Mercia Engelbrecht permalink
    May 10, 2009 5:32 PM

    PS it depends also on how deep these friendships were. Yes guys become stupid with girls around, it’s our speciality to cause this 😛 Take your best friend from the group, and have a heart to heart with him, show him what you’ve done to your car, the other arrangements you made, and tell him it is not about financial implications, it is about the harm this has done to your friendship, and if YOU think it is worth it, then you should forgive and learn some valuable life lessons: a) plan everything together – this way everyone will know the effort that goes into the planning and b) don’t plan to surprise them with things (like your car) and when it doesn’t happen, be mad at them, because they weren’t aware, you can only bang your head against the wall on this one… Hope you guys get it sorted!

  4. May 10, 2009 5:50 PM

    “So what would you have done then? I made my choice. I walked out of their lives.”

    good…i would have done the same..and remember next time u plan a trip with “friends”..make sure this kind of situation never happens!! for some this might sound rude..but then in the name of friendship i’ve seen people who take undue advantage of others and when that person needs something,they are nowhere..

    and as for that trip..i would have checked if any “good friend” or relatives are free..or even parents ..and take them with me for family hol atleast!!

  5. Anonymous permalink
    May 10, 2009 8:28 PM

    I’d have called and listened and then yelled. theres no point losing a friend (or more) over such things, you dont have to like them, but you can still talk to them..

  6. May 10, 2009 9:22 PM

    “in the name of friendship i’ve seen people who take undue advantage of others and when that person needs something,they are nowhere..”

    I might not know your friends too well, but I know they weren’t this bad. You did have a lot of good times with them, and I’m sure they have helped you loadsa times. What they did was wrong by principle, and like Marcia said, they weren’t aware of what you did to the car. Do think it over. You’re an impulsive guy by nature and I know it. You’ll have rough patches with friends, girlfriends, siblings and parents even. I’m not saying you can equate friends with parents but do give them a chance.

    • purnima permalink
      May 27, 2009 5:26 PM

      There are few who take over advantage of u in most scenarios… i guess at times what u did is 100% correct cos some ppl are really worthless, just for the sake of their gal, they need not ditch back so badly, even the gals weren’t ready they could have told some decent reasons and carry forwarded the trip with u guys alone, guess what a guys alone trip will be equally adventurous i guess.. no offense to ur friends but just sharing opinion…

      • May 27, 2009 6:08 PM

        I agree with what you said. As for the guys-only trip, that was surely not going to work. Friend wanted the trip to include his girl no matter what. That was the whole point of the trip if I am not mistaken. Anyway, all that is now done and dusted. I go my way and they go theirs.

      • purnima permalink
        May 29, 2009 5:34 PM

        past is past forgone.. just get out of it and carry ahead… there are many more things we have to see and face in life.. Friends can just be a part of life, and i feel they deserved to be as ur passing clouds friends… so just stay coola dn i know u r a very cool chap 🙂

  7. Adi permalink*
    May 10, 2009 10:16 PM

    “One thing I’ve learnt the hard way is that it pays to have an ego. Don’t throw it around but don’t be forgiving at all times. You need to show people that you have as much of an ego as they do.”

    Well, I have a bit more ego than they do. Loads more, maybe. 😛

    “I know they acted like total jackasses, but remember they were also there for you in times of need. And when girls are involved, guys become total slaves(another thing I learnt the hard way) and will not hesitate to put their friends down.”

    Doesn’t that happen ALL the time? Yes, they were there at times of need, but it is not like I have done nothing for them in the past. I need not get into the details. It should suffice to say that they knew me well enough to have seen this coming, given their actions. If they did nothing to sort things out, it is their fault. One apology could have sorted things out. But it needs to come at the right time. I have got none till now. It has been about a month or two already. “I will talk” is not the same as “sorry.”

    “You’ll have rough patches with friends, girlfriends, siblings and parents even. I’m not saying you can equate friends with parents but do give them a chance.”

    I don’t think I need to say anything in response to this now. Rough patches with friends are common. But then again, there are things that are just not done. According to me, at least. And this is one of them.

    “they weren’t aware of what you did to the car.”

    They sure did by that afternoon. I told them about it when they wanted to chuck the plan.

    @Sound. Thanks for your comment. Glad that you agree with me. 🙂

    Mercia, the music system sure does get used a lot these days. So all cool. 😀

    “tell him it is not about financial implications, it is about the harm this has done to your friendship, and if YOU think it is worth it, then you should forgive and learn some valuable life lessons”

    Oh well, like I said, they had done stuff in the past and nearly tasted this fate ages ago. They should have seen this coming, as I said. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about the details and make this dirty as hell. Chuck it.

    “I’d have called and listened and then yelled. theres no point losing a friend (or more) over such things, you dont have to like them, but you can still talk to them..”

    Yell at them? LOL! Would have only pissed me off even more. The gym is a better way to cool you down. As for losing a friend, well, they should not call themselves that if they don’t have the balls to say one small word. I apologised a million times when the plan was being postponed by an hour. They have not apologised till date. As I said, saying that they wanted to talk is surely not the same. Definitely if it takes a week for that itself. Besides, why an anonymous post? Why hide?

    • nandini permalink
      May 21, 2009 2:37 PM

      anonymous because i keep forgetting to type in my name.
      anyway.

      if you yell and make them see what they did wrong and prove your point, THEN they’ll apologise! if theyre so dumb they cant see what they did wrong, its not their fault!! at least you’ll still be friends with them if you ever need them for anything.. they dont have to be your best buddies.. but you can be nice to them, giving them a chance to be nice to you!!

      okay, i’m at great risk of forgetting my point again.. so i’ll see ya later.

  8. gopal permalink
    May 10, 2009 11:15 PM

    well since i know every1 involved , freind 1 a lot longer dan u ,i would hav done da same tin, only give every1 involved a piece of my mind , u covered every1 ‘asses a hell of a lot , although given all da prob b4 wit every 1 surprised it took u dis long , sur e u spent 4 yrs but u put up wit a lot of crap.honeslty though i thought u were over dis , so surprised atda post,still u know wat u did wa s rite n d i seriously think u rbetter off witout a lot of them

    • Adi permalink*
      May 11, 2009 12:04 AM

      Hahahahaha! I am totally over all this. Just posted this because I could not think of anything else, and with great clarity. LOL!

      Anyway, yeah, you know the situation better than anyone else, I guess. Surprisingly, your parents think I should not be bothered about this either. I thought your mom might not like it, but I was surprised. LOL! Anyway, that apart, I did not want to waste my time blasting them. I did not do that the last time some pricks did cheap stuff, and I decided not to do so this time either. Not worth wasting your time screaming(even if screaming makes you feel AWESOME! :P) when you know nothing will come out of it.

      Yes, I have done my bit for them. They have done their bit for me as well. But academics apart, I guess I have done more than what most would have done for them. And considering all that, I think you are right. I am better off without them.

  9. Rohini permalink
    May 10, 2009 11:29 PM

    I think there is some difference between gym work outs and friends. Yeah friends make major boo-boos. And yes, friends can be major arses, but if tehy weren’t there wouldn’t be any sad part in life. You need to feel all the emotions in potrayed by smileys to have a complete life. Usually, loved ones give you sadness. Some people get :(-ness in magnum proportions. And even :@ and *hurt*(OI! I don’t have a smiley face for that! sak). Mostly you get :@ and 😦 and 😥 because of people close to you. But what we musn’t forget is they also cause 🙂 :D.

    They were and still are complete ases, but hey you shared good times before right? They weren’t for nothing, I’m not saying forgive them and forget what happened. I’m saying give them a chance to snap out of it.

  10. srivatsan permalink
    May 12, 2009 8:45 PM

    Hi buddy from wat little i know there is no such thing as good thing or bad thing at all boils down to how you feel at the end.

    If you feel cheated and betrayed u really should give them hell and get it out of your system(i.e. you guys either continue to remain friends or part ways-depending upon how your frnds react) i really dont think the ” i dont lik u and wont talk to u ” approach works cause this thing is like cancer just keeps spreading in ur mind.

    Thats wat i feel if anyone feels different would be happy to know your views GOD knows ur views might help me handle such situations in a much better manner

    • Adi permalink*
      May 13, 2009 8:05 PM

      What you say is right in a way, Srivatsan. But here, things just can’t get back to the way they once were. Recent developments need to be taken into account. This blog did it, actually. And I am definitely not complaining. There were a few surprises too, not-so-nice ones, but that is fine. When your friends claim that they have no idea you were upset over their acts, there must be something behind it. Not even after you actually meet one of them and walk right past him. Also, when they tell you one thing before you get upset, but claim something else later, it is not really your fault. And most importantly, when they try and call backup(people who don’t even know you and still will say anything against you just for the fun of it) to support them openly in their cheap tactics, you kind of want to just move out of everything immediately. That is what I did.

  11. srivatsan permalink
    May 13, 2009 9:12 PM

    cool man wat u did is right usin”backup” ppl. as u call them to get 1 over u is quite a cheap shot by ur frnd. I feel srry tht u wasted so mch of ur time on those ppl i am not saying tht they are bad and unfair god knows they might be quite fair with some other person, its quite unfortunate tht this happened to u.

    • Adi permalink*
      May 13, 2009 9:20 PM

      Well, they said that I took a cheap shot by blogging about it. I wonder if anyone here even know who I am talking about. Two people do. One, my brother. And two, a classmate. The rest have not got the slightest idea. And yet, it is cool if they copy my blog, put it up as a note on Facebook, tag as many people as Facebook would allow(I don’t even know some of them) and got some people not worth talking about to say all kinds of crap about me. It was amusing to see how low some people could stoop. And they kept blaming me for blogging about it and telling the world. I would like one person to show up who understood who I was talking about. Oh! And things don’t end there. I got several anonymous comments on my blog, all talking absolute crap. The same people who haven’t got the faintest idea about what is going on but still think it is their birthright to talk crap here. I decided not to approve their comments as they don’t even have the balls to declare their names while posting.

      Okay, no point talking about this. It only makes things dirtier. I did not want things to be that way initially. So chuck it. No point going on about it now.

      And yes, the whole thing is rather unfortunate. But then again, shit happens. Need to move on.

  12. ramya permalink
    May 22, 2009 7:32 PM

    yes yes I know what happened and when this all happened and also know the people involved…I guess you did the right thing adi..and yea, thank god I had to just skim this cos i already knew the story in detail… 😉 😛

    • May 28, 2009 12:06 AM

      LOL! Thanks for checking it out anyway, and also for your views. 🙂

  13. tushar permalink
    May 25, 2009 3:04 PM

    hey bro……….i guess u did the right thing……….if u wd hv done otherwise m pretty sure dat those (so called friends )wd have taken u for granted for ur whole life………tit for tat ……dats the best policy…….and blv me if sm1 chucks attitude in front of u ,tell dat person to f**k off……..is smone shows u one finger ,give him two in return……..

    think i got a bit carried away……..neway,how r u?howz life?keep in touch bro…….

    • May 28, 2009 12:11 AM

      Life is a bitch, isn’t it? Anyway, you have lived with me for a whole year(for those who don’t know, Tushar lived in the room right opposite mine in the hostel in Delhi). You know how I am when it comes to dealing with people. Also, I guess you will say that I have not changed too much, right? 😛 Anyway, I guess I have become a bit more tolerant in some ways, but that does no good at all. I am really glad that things started kinda bad in the hostel and then just kept getting better. Like I said the other day, I had some of my best times in Delhi. Everything about it was fun. And each of us got to learn a lot too. Some of you had lived in hostels before. But there was still so much that we all faced. Was amazing. God! You are making me nostalgic now! I miss those days! Hehe!

      Will surely keep in touch. Gtalk zindaabaad! 😀

  14. vish permalink
    June 18, 2009 1:58 PM

    FFS, move to malaysia !

    a chance to go on a road trip !!?!?!?!?

    hell, we’ll never say no ! we love hanging out !
    LMAO!

    • June 18, 2009 2:29 PM

      Hahahaha! I will get there sometime. Trust me. I will. Just need to get a few things sorted out here. I know that it has been dragging for too long, but I WILL get there. As for the road trip, anything is fine as long as you are not driving. 😛

      P.S. Did not expect to see you comment at all, despite your promising to do so for close to a month and a half now. So thanks for the comments. 🙂

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