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Mallu Waters- The New Shizz in Town

December 8, 2009

If there is one thing that I will continue to crib about, here in Manipal, it will be the lack of proper internet access in my hostel. However, that is not going to get us anywhere. But it did get me to Deepu and Vineeth’s house, and here I am accessing the net from their place. So firstly, thanks for putting up with me, guys.

This post will talk about some, just SOME, of the crazy stuff that we guys are up to most of the time. Not a thing can be spoken about 208, Vaishnavi Bhavan without a mention of Mallu Waters. Now the obvious question is “What on earth is Mallu Waters?” Let me try and explain.

Mallu Waters, besides being the home to an eternally kurta-clad, thick-bearded communist and a football-crazy, loud-mouthed dipsomaniac, is the most happening place in Manipal; or so some of us choose to believe. It has a bar(the bedroom), a dance floor(the living room) and a smoking lounge(get the fuck out of the house if you want to smoke, you Bitch!). The core of the Mallu Waters consists of one Mallu guy(two, actually, but that will not go well with the next bit of the sentence), a Tamil Brahmin girl(who also claims to be in a relationship with the former, but the rest of the world finds it as a ridiculous and hilarious proposition) and a freak of nature who also happens to talk in Tamil. So yeah, the four of them(two Mallus, remember?) form the core of the Mallu Waters.

So what exactly happens there? I guess it will suffice to say that it gets a lot of the attention of old monks who come and go. Not that others don’t come and go, but Mallu Waters would not be Mallu Waters without the Old Monks. And the pickles too, but we will get to that a little later.

Moving on to lesser mortals, like us, now. There are some of us who frequent the place as well. There is this one techie who calls himself Neogenx21. He doesn’t talk much. But when he does, you can’t not appreciate his sarcasm. And in a place like Manipal where absolutely no one seems to get sarcasm, he is one of those few gusts of fresh air in a bloody arid desert. He is also Mallu, by the way. So I think I should say that he is like a single coconut tree standing on a single oasis on the vast Sahara Desert. Or rather, the one guy climbing up the tree to get you that one life saving coconut. And when you come to think of it, it is very much possible to find a Mallu in that very situation, right? So yeah, he is awesome. 😛

There is one other woman, a Mallu this time, who keeps frequenting the place. She is supposed to be the best friend of the guy going out with the “accused” Tamil Brahmin girl. In a way, you can call her the blonde Mallu. I am talking primarily about the IQ level. She is taken, by the way. So those of you still considering you will try your luck, forget it. Her guy is so awesome to her that he openly admits he will trade her for a football. But they are still going out. They will continue doing so. And they frequent Mallu Waters. So when you read about the legends a few years later, you know what made them what they are(will be, rather, but still).

And now we get to the invitees. There are a few people who always figure in the guest list. There is this guy who takes pride in calling himself “Smiley Sil.” Not sure if his being Oriya has anything to do with such a name, but let me not try analysing that a bit too much, and say a few nice things about him as well. He, I am sure, will help design amazing posters and flexes for the promotion of Mallu Waters, when the core decides to go big. For now, subtle publicity is the mantra. Just to test the waters(pun might be intended).

We then move on to a bevy of girls(NOT hot chicks) from “Smiley Sil’s” class. One is a kid(physically and mentally) who hates to be called so. Another is a “muscular” Bihari who loves South Indian sweets more than anything else. The third can be a brand ambassador for Gtalk and Skype, as she is on them ALL the time talking to a certain someone in Australia. The fourth, well, I really don’t know who she is, but was told that she comes as a part of the package. Doubt if they would be regular visitors, but they are invitees anyway.

We then come to a Mallu with an afro and another with a broken leg. They are both funny in several ways. One is a pain when drunk and another is going to be forced to get drunk very soon. Oops! Did I just give away some inside information? It is all cool, though. I doubt if he will be informed about it by Saturday. I won’t elaborate on them any further as we have a lot more aspects to deal with.

From the final year BAJC class, we have several legendary people. I will not get into the details here as that will need an entire post in itself. I think it will suffice to say that we have people who are capable of getting so high that they will lick the spilt booze off a floor which has not been swept or mopped for ages. It might not sound bad enough, but the video that we have will make anyone, yes, ANYONE, call such people insanely drunk.

Though there are several other aspects to be touched upon, I will now move to the “rules and regulations” right away. Mallu Waters charges a very nominal fee of Rs 10 for couple entry and Rs 15 for stag entry. However, entrance is free for those “chicks” deemed “hot” by the Mallu Waters core. And seeing that there are hardly any “hot chicks” around, it really should not affect the earnings of Mallu Waters.

Another rule, and the most important rule at that, is that everyone respects old monks. An Old Monk is a symbol of hope, of a better tomorrow. And when the Mallu Water-folk have pickle at the time of visits by old monks, they experience nothing short of bliss. However, one thing that will NOT be tolerated in Mallu Waters is random puke in all the wrong places. If anyone were to puke in an undesirable place/manner, he/she will be thrown out unceremoniously.

There are several other rules, a few more members and invitees. But all that will have to wait for another day. This blog post has been delayed for nearly a month now. So a Mallu Waters Part II will be up soon. Wait for it! It will surely not disappoint! 🙂

And some serious stuff now(yeah right!) LMFAO!

In the meanwhile, please do keep an eye on the Article-19 topic on Twitter. Also, Article-19 is now a member of Twitter too! For those of you who are not aware of it, Article-19 is the annual fest of Manipal Institute of Communication(MIC). To be more precise, it is India’s first ever core communication fest. It is the pride of MIC. 🙂

But most importantly, Mister Bijlee is once again the Mascot of Article-19. And Mister Bijlee is BACKKK!!! 😀 I mean, he is back to keep you all posted about his whereabouts. Mister Bijlee is waiting where he has always been. You should go pay him a visit. Like NOWWWW! :-p

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. Monica Hariharan permalink
    December 8, 2009 12:23 AM

    .. and I’m the ‘accused’?
    Nevertheless, I miss mallu waters 😦

    • December 8, 2009 2:01 AM

      Hehe! We all do, Monica. We all do! 🙂 Anyway, I thought that you had a lot more to say. What happened to all that?

  2. Rini Joshy permalink
    December 8, 2009 1:14 AM

    GOOD..LOL. mm… pretty much understud all the guests n residents mentioned.. but need clarity on certain someone or rather a certain gonna be couple..!! hmm.. think a proper thread exclusive for GS should start..

    watever sed n done, mallu waters rock!!! spend juz 2 -3 hrs der.. but i loved dat place..!!!

    n Adi.. too cool man ,, n thankie thankie for lettin us kno wats happenin… major mishing happening.!! 😦

    • December 8, 2009 2:04 AM

      Hahahaha! Oh well, that will have to wait for a bit, I guess. But yes, GS needs to pick up once again. Looks like it is in pretty bad shape right now. No regular GS activity can be seen these days.

      And yeah, I wish you people got to spend more time there. Please do try and come there for a longer period next time. And preferably, with fewer commitments. Will be loads of fun then.

      And Rini, this post was written about a month ago. Was saved as a draft all this while. Decided to post it as I had to put something up. I am in Chennai now. Not Manipal. Wrote it all there, though. Just wrote the last couple of paragraphs now about other stuff and put up the post. Will come up with more real soon. 🙂

  3. Ami permalink
    December 8, 2009 1:34 AM

    The shizz place, for sure.. The opening night itself was such a rage!

    • December 8, 2009 2:05 AM

      The opening night? You mean the time when it was not called Mallu Waters? I missed that one! 😦

  4. srikanth permalink
    December 8, 2009 9:43 AM

    Dude been checking ur blog for some time…And its good to see u posting a new post after ages…well i hope u knw who i am…and keep blogging..i like ur language…i mean ur way of writing…

    • December 9, 2009 12:58 AM

      Thanks a lot! 🙂 And yes, I do know who you are. Anyway, I will try to get back to active blogging. At least, as active as I can get. Thanks a lot for the comment. Really encouraging. 🙂

  5. Anonymous permalink
    December 8, 2009 11:34 AM

    🙂 :)..!!!.!!
    ya….The whole manipal trip was very diff.. with convo taking up a lot of time.. cudin relive ‘certain’ many memories wich i was lookin forward for… !. so definitly planing another weekend or so der.. not that soon ols.!
    :/ lets see..

  6. Rini Joshy permalink
    December 8, 2009 11:35 AM

    🙂 :)..!!!.!!
    ya….The whole manipal trip was very diff.. with convo taking up a lot of time.. cudin relive ‘certain’ many memories wich i was lookin forward for… !. so definitly planing another weekend or so der.. not that soon ols.!
    :/ lets see..

    • December 9, 2009 1:04 AM

      Yes yes yes! Please do try and come to Manipal sometime soon. Not before the 11th of January, though. That is when college reopens for the next semester. And yeah, come relive “certain” memories. Live and entirely new life too, if you feel like it. But do come sometime soon, Rini. 🙂

  7. Anonymous permalink
    December 8, 2009 7:03 PM

    dude u better spend some money and get airtel internet connection

    • December 9, 2009 1:14 AM

      Moving out of the hostel seems like a better option, don’t you think? Anyway, that will have to wait. For now, back in Chennai. Have a month before I worry about the lousy connection in the hostel.

  8. December 10, 2009 11:08 AM

    ayye…the net connection is not bad at all. in fact, it’s better than anything you can hope to get with airtel. semester time i get 100-200 kbps dload, and vacations gets u as high as 2.5 mbps! go frikkin register ur i-on, or get an airtel, instead of cribbing for months on end.

    old monk and pickle is a nice combo, but it’s the best formula for a bad hangover.

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